peter026

My heart says Liverpool...............Head says AC Milan, just hope the game is as good as the last one. Kaka is something special, and if Liverpool can keep him out of the game, then they might just shade it

Don't you mean Incomplete

6' 3" and 11 st :o You need the 1st six pack to put on weight first. Seriously though why don't you go to your local fitness centre and tell them what you want, and they will design a programme for you, including diet.

Robin H Did you get a new engine for your Birthday Robin :winky:

Fungus

D i c k

Thumb

Bread

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line. Just one lady in front of me. . .an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations". The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people, too!"

Well, that's what I thought, when I bought it, but apparently not. So my garage says. Not quite sure who to believe here. I had thought that at least the engines were the same series. Anyone else in this group know? Steve Try These people. they are not a million miles away from you :winky:

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had s*x together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you." "Yes," she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "how about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers. There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having s*x against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious s*x that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhh, ***!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic s*x imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is. As the couple passes, he says to them, "That was something else! You must have been having s*x for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?" The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin is involved in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your Uncle from Cork came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh No, not my Uncle... he's an idiot!" She asks the doctor,"Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise." "Wow that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?" "Denephew."

When I saw the topic title I thought it meant Clothes :duh: Anyhow.......The cheapest available :D

Bars

Chicken

Fetish

Happy Birthday :D

Welcome to the Club and enjoy your Lex. You will have a smile a mile wide when you pick it up :D

Letters to Landlords 1. "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared." 2. "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off." 3. "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door." 4. "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall." 5. "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen." 6. "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces." 7. "Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant." 8. "Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink." 9. "Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away." 10. "When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."

Burglarized Blond Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman.

Nurse

Who

Ginger

Some of those replies are rather witty