peter026

Yep works fine :winky:

Super

Station

I do as well. If you click on view new posts, at the bottom right is get active topics for today and GO

Windscreen £50 on your insurance Chris :winky:

Detective

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The following are all replies that British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check number 11, it takes the prize. ____________________ *1*. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night. *2*. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps. *3*. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected s*x with a man I met that night. I do remember that the s*x was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks. *4*. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced. *5*. I have never had s*x with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Chris t risen again. *6*. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise. *7*. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket. *8*. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? *9*. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom. *10*. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized. *11*. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

Advance

Way

We went to see it on Thursday, enjoyed it, but not as good as the last one, Brilliant effects and some good comedy moments. Keith Richards was good in his brief cameo role I would rate this movie 31/2 out of 5

:winky:

This only happens at low speed ie at about 100RPM, any faster and everything works fine. My suspicions are the belt, as when it was last serviced ( the Biggy, cambelt etc) the belt was an advisory to change within the next 5K.

This has been around a few times before, but it's always worth a second read. Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally will never hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers around the world. Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" ============================== =========================== "TWA 2341, for noise abatement..... turn right 45 Degrees." "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?" ============================== ============================ From an unknown aircraft..... waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!" ============================== ============================ Chicago's O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...... I've got the little Fokker in sight." ============================== ============================ A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked; "What was your last known position?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff." ============================== ============================ A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus........ had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport." ============================== ============================ There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing at his USAF base because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach." ============================== ============================ Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped......... then it turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant; "What, exactly, was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." ============================== ============================ A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa pilot (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground Control (in English): "If you want an answer, you must speak in English." Lufthansa pilot (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany.......... Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the !!!!!! war." ============================== =========================== Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way..... after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern...... we've already notified our caterers." ============================== =========================== One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said; "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts....... Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one." ============================== =========================== The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So, it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speed bird 206. Speed bird 206: "Frankfurt, Speed bird 206 clear of active runway." Ground: "Speed bird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speed bird, do you not know where you are going?" Speed bird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speed bird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" Speed bird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944..... but it was dark.......... and I didn't land." ============================== =========================== While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight... departing for Ft. Lauderdale........ made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway...... You turned right on Delta! Stop right there..... I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "***! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour........ and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent.... after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771...... Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Minature

This drove me mad, try counting them Wait 30 seconds

Tablet

Drag

Your move from A to B has been noted Tony, and added to "favourites" :winky: Do they make exceedingly good cuppa's

Hi Chris, welcome back to the fold :D I take it that every thing is now sorted, and all your problems are small ones :winky:

Racer