peter026

Taken from another forum A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing a rectal exam: 1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!" 2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?" 3. "Can you hear me NOW?" 4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" 5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married." 6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?" 7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..." 8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!" 9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit! 10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity." 11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?" 12. "***, Now I know why I am not gay." And the best one of all... 13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there." __________________

Obese

E Bay

Ship

Well done Tom................Don't go driving in Fog this time

Well done both of you.....Now for the sleepless nights

Ginger

Tag

Teller

Bank

Whiskey

Eighteen Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than s*x.... 18 You don't have to sneak your golf magazines into the house 17 If you are having trouble with golf, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique 16 The Ten Commandments don't say anything about golf. 15 If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you golfing, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet when you become famous. 14 Your golf partner won't keep asking questions about other partners you've golfed with. 13 It's perfectly respectable to golf with a total stranger. 12 When you see a really good golfer, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you golfing together 11 If your regular golf partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you golf with someone else. 10 Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you golf by yourself. 9 When dealing with a golf pro, you never have to wonder if he is really an undercover cop. 8 You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighbourhood to buy golf stuff. 7 You can have a golf calendar on your wall at the office, tell golf jokes and invite co- workers to golf with you without getting sued for harassment. 6 There is no such thing as a "golf transmitted disease." 5 If you want to watch golf on television, you don't have to subscribe to a premium cable channel. 4 Nobody expects you to promise to golf with just one partner for the rest of your life 3 Nobody expects you to give up golfing if your partner loses interest in the game. 2 You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily for the enjoyment of golf. 1 Your golf partner will never say, "What ? We just golfed last week ! Is that all you ever think about ?"

Measure

Baronet

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "Paw, what's 'at ?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea wut it is". While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blond woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy, go git yo Momma !!!"

SOME FEMALE BUMPER STICKERS Behind every successful woman is herself. Oh my ***, I think I'm becoming the man I wanted to marry ! Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels. A woman is like a tea bag … you don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. So many men, so few who can afford me. Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen. I'm out of oestrogen and I have a gun. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it. Of course I don't look busy ... I did it right the first time. Do not start with me. You will not win. All stressed out and no one to choke. I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people. How can I miss you if you won't go away ? Don't upset me ! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

Please

Infantile

Screen

Finish

Bell

Was the third clip John Prescott Anyway

Go on you know you want it :winky: to be honest 127K is not a lot of mileage for a car these days, especially if a lot of it is M'way. My other vehicle has done 178K and no problems at all. Well it is a Toyota. As long as it has been serviced regularly you should be O.K.

Place

Lose