Fidgits

A beautiful, well-endowed young blonde walks in to an exotic pet shop, As she looks about she notices a box of frogs, the sign says:

"Oral s*x Frogs! Only £20 each! Full money back guarentee! Comes with comprehensive instructions! "

The girl looks around excitedly to see if anybody's watching and whispers to the man behind the counter , " i'll take one of those " , the man packages the frog and tells her to follow the instructions carefully, The girl nods, grabs the box and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her flat, she takes out the box and reads the instructions throughly:

1) Take a shower

2) Splash on some perfume

3) slip into something sexy

4) Crawl into bed, open your legs and put the frog down there

she does exactly what it says but nothing happens. The girl is totally dissapointed. She reads the instructions again and notices it say:

"if you have any problems please call the pet shop"

so she does this and the man says " i've already had some complaints today, i'll be right over" , within minutes the door bell rings, the girl welcomes him in and says "see, i've done everything it said on the instructions, but the damn thing just sits there"

The man looks very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly at its eyes and says:

"listen to me, i'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!!"

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Now thats funny!

A joke is a short story or short series of words spoken or communicated with the intent of being laughed at or found humorous by the listener or reader.

:shutit:

I think Barrie had some on his...

looked alright to be honest...

Thats an interesting point Matt (oh, and nice work Niraj), I think it depends on the market.

Mercedes, Audi and BMW to a degree all have a 'corporate look', and in all honesty, you sometimes struggle to tell which model you are looking at in a picture (especially Audi).

But, although it definatley looks similar, you can identify it, although I think it will appeal to a slightly older audience than the IS200 did...

And Rob, have a look here for some tips: http://www.digimods.co.uk/tutorials/tutorials.htm

I had an Audi TT prior to the Lexus and when I took this car in for the service they could tell if my alarm had been set off?

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thats probably because the alarm horn being active melted half the ECU electronics

What does it matter if Lexus see you hit max revs? it cant invalidate your warranty!

You would be better off getting a higher mileage SE than a S.. both from value for money and resale value.

You would miss the extra toys if you didnt have them I'm sure.

Also, look for younger, but higher mileage cars - a regularly serviced car will easily do 200K as long as its been looked after.

i very much doubt the IS ECU has a persistant store of telemetry... in fact, i severly doubt any standard road car has, or indeed, needs that sort of technology..

well - the redline is there to warn you that at that point damage will be done to the engine.

Of course, as you have found, you dont always notice the redline when overtaking etc.

So they invented limiters, which, in a nutshell, dont allow the revs to get to the point where they will damage the engine.

On top of this, the limiter will have a 'buffer zone', so more than likely, you could rev the engine 250rpm's higher than the limiter without doing any damage.

Now of course, i'm not saying over-revving the car wont do ANY damage - if you do it when the engine is cold, that can increase the rate of wear, and if your bouncing off the limiter in every gear, that can also reduce an engines life - but every once in a while, that will have no negative effects on the engine...

yes, the IS has a 'rev limiter', so if you reach the maximum reccomended revs, the engine cuts back (not out as other cars do)..

You wont of done any damage, as thats what its there for... and in all honesty, I've hit the limiter a few times... its the problem having peak power at 6250rpm and the redline at 6500 really...

thats how i did it to.

Rob, bear in mind, Niraj just made the silver a little darker, not exactly rocket science ;) (no offence)

To actually change the colour from silver to a solid colour is much more difficult (feel free to prove me wrong), and it is harder to get a realistic hue.

As Niraj says, if you fiddle with Hue and Brightness/contrast, that can help, but you could spend hours tweaking it.

Also, i find it helps to 'desaturate' the shell beforehand...

Taken from a recent Daily Telegraph, Top Gears James May on Traffic Engineering:

This week I am indebted to a Mr Brownridge, who, in what must have been a very bored moment (since he wasn't being paid for it), has penned me a treatise of medieval density on the subject of traffic engineering. "What's it all for?" he wails, or at least I sense wailing in his outraged reversion to block capitals.

He refers not, of course, to the business of building roads and bridges, all of which is noble stuff. He means those devices used by local councils deliberately to frustrate the flow of traffic - extraneous lights, speed humps, one-way priority restrictions built for no apparent reason into perfectly wide roads, advanced stop lines for bicycles and so on; all of them approved by the same officials who, at a later meeting, will no doubt stand up to pronounce that congestion is ruining the local community. Something must be done.

Fortunately, I have a few ideas. As a man who believes fervently that society should strive for as few controls and regulations as possible, rather than as many as we can dream up, I would get rid of at least 75 per cent of the traffic lights in my area - at one junction, the approaching motorist can see 12 poles of lights in one go. We might as well have a permanent firework display.

I know it's a cliché that the traffic flows better when the lights break down, but it is also often absolutely true. The business of traffic management should be wrested from pesky, meddling theorists and placed in the hands of those whose concern it is - the road users. A surgeon recently told me that he regarded surgery as a last resort, a sign of the medical profession's failure to persuade the body to heal itself. Traffic lights should be viewed in the same way.

Even pelican crossings would come in for severe scrutiny if I were running England. The zebra works better, because the cars stop only when someone is crossing the road, rather than when some urchin has pressed the button and run away.

Some of my neighbours are actually campaigning to have the timing of a nearby pelican changed, for the benefit of the old and infirm, who take longer to cross. Why not just ask for a zebra? Then they can take as long as they like. I can simply slow a bit to let a student from the nearby Rambert Dance Company skip lightly across, or come to a complete halt, apply the handbrake and fiddle with the radio while an old dear sallies forth on the great and arduous journey to the Other Side.

And before you ask, a zebra crossing even works for the blind. Once they've found it, we will see them and stop. All it takes is for someone to lower the window and say, "Off you go, mate," and the system works perfectly. Why should the sightless man trust a red light more than humankind's innate wit? Make drivers take responsibility for when people cross and they will do it perfectly well.

There's more. Some years ago, a colleague came up with a theory that all car mechanics are aliens, sent to earth to spread confusion in advance of an invasion by talking pure Vulcan to the population. The whole thing stacked up rather nicely. In fact, Houston would have only one problem with it - how did they get here?

I can now reveal less that they arrived in small flying saucers that were parked at T-junctions and disguised as mini roundabouts. I realised this when I asked myself what the mini roundabouts were for, and noticed that they served no purpose whatsoever.

What was originally the main road is still instinctively perceived as such by drivers, and those on the minor road still wait until the main one is clear. This is exactly what happened under the old "Give Way" system, so every mini roundabout amounts to a waste of tens of thousands of pounds that could have been spent on park benches or hospitals.

In any case, anyone who knows anything about space will tell you that a straight road is a roundabout of infinite radius.

it involves............................

:P

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your going to lick it clean!!!!

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no im gettin u do that, get all that wilshire mud that on it :P

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Chris - you wernt here long enough for any mud to stick! :P

erm, thats what i said...

and people dont talk about a 30mm drop - they refer to springs with a 30mm drop - which is a relative figure. And since originally all models had the same suspension height, then thats what the figure relates to.

Of course, that isnt to say, a 2002 Sport on coilovers hasnt been dropped 30mm less than standard sport, which would be 45mm over standard couldnt be refered to as both..

But basically, take the numbers as from 'standard suspension height'

it involves............................

:P

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your going to lick it clean!!!!

worth mentioning - it wasnt until 2001 the Sport got different suspension setup to the SE..

So, on a pre-2001 sport (and SE) the drop would be 30mm.

On a post 2001 sport, the drop would be 15mm.

(as the springs were already 15mm lower than 'standard')

I agree Barrie - It would be nice to see it in the original blues and blacks...

and red :D

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okay - had a quick play with photoshop to see if i could get an idea for how it would look...

I'm still not sure what i think - although i really do like the interior...

I agree Barrie - It would be nice to see it in the original blues and blacks...

The thumbnails are clickable - and will open a new window with a high-res image.

never mind fella.....

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sorry mate - had to go catch a plane ;)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What they are offering is a 0.1p resistor that simply fools the engine into thinking its cold - so basically, the result is the same as driving a car with the choke pulled out...

It may appear to 'give more power' but it actually doesnt, and it will increase consumption.

On top of that, it will fry your O2 sensor...

Dont do it...

well done Pete...

Trust me when i say - stick at it, because in a couple of months you'll wonder why you ever bothered...

naaaa...

Don't do it....

its not worth it - because superchargers lead to modification....

modification leads to need, need leads to desire,

and desire is the way of the dark side....

never mind fella.....

I'm a  M.U.F.C. fan.

But all the best to the 'POOL

Bring it home lads.

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surely you mean you are a Manchester Red Sox fan?

:P