Post by dosenöffner on the TOC forums
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The Irish War with Saddam...
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next
when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy,
down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform
you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed
important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is,
meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire
dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have
one million men in my army waiting to move on my
command."
"Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have
16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased
my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get
back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein,
the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've
modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the
cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes.
My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites.
And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints,
and decided there's no fookin way we can feed two million prisoners."
*** Bless the Irish!