TonyGoose

Are they on BOGOFF this week ?? Pick me one up while you're there can you :duh:

A large hole - 15metres across has suddenly appeared on the M25 ... close to where it meets the M1. It's causing massive traffic chaos ... Latest reports are that the police are looking into it :iraqi-info-minister:

That's where the pollen filter goes ... Available from the dealer for about 25quid or so ....

I went to the butchers the other day and bet him 50 quid that he couldnt get the meat off the top shelf, He said, " No, the steaks are too high". :yack:

Well i'm not so sure :D My friend drowned in a bowl of museli. A strong currant pulled him in.

There's lies, damn lies ... and statistics :P

No offence meant by this one ..... Irelands worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetary. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

A guy visits a psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well i can clearly see your nuts".

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are chinese. There are 5 people in my family so it must be one of them. Its either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But i think its Colin. :shutit:

Man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, " I'll give you some cream to put on it"

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "doctor, doctor, i cant feel my legs!" The doctor replied, " I know you cant, i've cut your arms off" B)

I think it must be Mats day off work today

This reminds me of the 'Tony Martin' case. The guy living in a remote farmhouse who got burgled. Shot at 2 burglers inside his house as they were ransacking it. Killed one but not the other. Then Mr Martin gets a life sentence and is branded 'a danger to the public' Well i'd suggest he's a 'danger to the public when they're burgling his house' And the latest... the surviving burgler (with criminal record stretching twice round the globe) ... has been given leave to sue the farmer who's house he was burgling for 'trauma, stress, loss of earnings etc'. And no doubt WE will be paying the bill for him to pursue his claim through legal aid. [rant] Am i alone in thinking things are rather screwed up in this country ? It's very clear that we have 'Courts of LAW' - that's technical law ... 'Justice' just doesn't come into the equation. /[rant]

This comes down to 'accountants' and 'budgets'. Accountants don't like variables so always try and have fixed costs. Suppose a job varies in cost from 50 - 500 quid. An accountant would have difficulty budgeting for that coz it's variable. So, tell them it's 1000quid fixed and he'll be happy coz he can budget it. The more that FD's and bosses want to 'know' the future, the more this happens. So, IMO, it serves them right ... ( 2 fingers etc )

You guys may be interested in a radical new phone service ... It uses 'wires' to transmit calls through a series of exchanges. You won't believe how much cheaper than mobile calls it is too Tried and tested for decades and available nationwide through BT and others i believe :D It never ceases to amaze me the number of people round where i work ... who routinely use mobiles while sitting next to a perfectly good deskphone .... AND THEN winge and moan like hell about the size of their mobile bill :iraqi-info-minister: Derrrr :duh: :iraqi-info-minister: :iraqi-info-minister: :D :D

Mmmmmmmm Twinkies ..... Yuummmmmmmmyyyy BUT ... too many and :yack: :yack: :yack:

I'm sure Geoffers could devise a system, attaching a Pay-as-you-go mobile to your alarm system, that would respond to a SMS with its status.... C'mon Geoffers, what'd you reckon?? One flap of the mirrors for yes ... Two flaps for no :D :iraqi-info-minister:

Perhaps 'Today' means ... in the last 24 hours ?? And probably across the whole site ... LOC, TOC ... maybe even Gold ?

When are you fitting them with electric adjusters and heaters :iraqi-info-minister:

I think the law would know where to look if the no. wasn't @ dvla. I thought the best bit was having a free tax disc :D

:shutit:

Hmmm ..curious ... My SE is a group 16 Why might that be :iraqi-info-minister:

Oh, i kinda assumed you'd got the hard copy Lexus books. Judging by that 2nd sentence ... Did you happen to swallow a dictionary in amongst that swirling blah blah :shutit: :mat:

And so Mat finally sussed how to cut'n'paste info from his Lexus workshop manuals :D