Speeding Ticket Excuses?

[Steve]

What is the best excuse you have made or heard of to try and get out of a speeding ticket?

[Redsteve]

I once got stopped for speeding early one morning on a country lane.

I told the Policeman that I was late for work and that I had a very important job.

He asked me what my job was that was so important that I had to be speeding.

I told him that I was an A**hole Stretcher.

He asked me "What on earth does an A**hole Stretcher do?"

I told him "We stretch normal sized a**holes to ones that are 6 feet across."

The policeman then asked me "What does anyone do with a 6 foot a**hole?"

"That's easy", I replied, "We give them a Speed Gun and hide them behind hedges!"

No offence meant to our Boys In Blue, just having a giggle.