The Worst Jokes Ever

[Fidgits]

Q. What time is best for a dentist appointment??

A. Tooth-Hurty..

[Monster-Mat]

and you knocked my geeky wonderfull box of pandora's infomation........... :D

[Fidgits]

and you knocked my geeky wonderfull box of pandora's infomation........... :D

Well, I thought of a thread both you and Ryan could get it out of your system..

[Bazza-old]

groan !

[TonyGoose]

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.

He shouted, "doctor, doctor, i cant feel my legs!"

The doctor replied, " I know you cant, i've cut your arms off"

B)

[rhaines]

a man walked into a bar.... ouch...

what do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea

what do you call a dead deer with no eyes? still no idea

what do you call a fish with no eye's? fsh.....

[TonyGoose]

Man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says, " I'll give you some cream to put on it"

[TonyGoose]

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are chinese.

There are 5 people in my family so it must be one of them.

Its either my mum or my dad.

Or my older brother Colin.

Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.

But i think its Colin.

:shutit:

[Fidgits]

What do you call a one-eyed Dinosaur?

Do-you-think-he-sarus

What do you call a one-eyed Dinosaurs Dog?

Do-you-think-he-sarus-rex

[Fidgits]

A man goes to the doctor..

Doctor, it hurts when I prod my arm, it hurts when I prod my chest, it hurts when i prod my leg, and it hurts when i prod my head??

Doctor says "You've broken your finger"

[TonyGoose]

A guy visits a psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.

The shrink says, "Well i can clearly see your nuts".

[Mike IS200]

Guy goes into the doctors

"Doc I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside"

"How's that"

"Don't you start"

"Doctor I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's"

"Well you can't say fairer than that then"

A jump-lead walks into a bar

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

[TonyGoose]

No offence meant by this one .....

Irelands worst air disaster occurred early this morning when

a small two seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetary.

Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so

far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

[tony_hetherington]

This one will have to win the competition of worst joke by far.......

Q: What does a man with two left feet wear on the beach?

A: Flip flips!!!!

[rhaines]

Do zombies rule?

Of corpse they do!

At school, I saw my principal walking around in a daze. I asked him what happened, and he just looked at me and said, "I've lost my faculties!"

What do modern artists eat for breakfast?

Surreal.

Holy Kleenex, Batman! He was right under our nose, and we blew it!

[TonyGoose]

This one will have to win the competition of worst joke by far.......

Q: What does a man with two left feet wear on the beach?

A: Flip flips!!!!

Well i'm not so sure :D

My friend drowned in a bowl of museli.

A strong currant pulled him in.

[Fidgits]

Mr Smith was having s*x with his wife, and asked "why don't you moan like other women??"

His wife said "okay then.............. The ceiling could do with painting."

[rhaines]

What is a dentist's favorite musical instrument?

A tuba toothpaste.

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?

If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts?

A hobby horse

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

I didn't do it on porpoise.

Where did the kittens go on a class trip?

To the meow-seum.

What does a proud computer call his little son?

A microchip off the old block.

How do you make anti-freeze?

Take away her blanket...

[Mike IS200]

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.

The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

[imi]

What did the Big chimney say to the Little Chimney?

Your too young to smoke...

[tony_hetherington]

What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you!

How do crazy people go through the forest?

They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?

You boil the Hell out of it

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?

Damn

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?

A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?

Quatro Sinko

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left him.

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?

Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes, whack, damn. A bad skydiver does, damn, whack.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way, unique up on it.

How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?

Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

:zee:

[imi]

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said, that's no problem, how many do you want? The man answered, just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces. That won't do you any good, said the pharmacist. That's all right, continues the old man. I don't need them for s*x anymore as I am over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes.

[tdiplc]

Q) What do you call an Irish Rastafarian?

A) Padlock

[tdiplc]

Man : Doctor, I've broken my are in 3 places.

Doctor : Well don't go there then!

[TonyGoose]

I went to the butchers the other day and bet him 50 quid

that he couldnt get the meat off the top shelf,

He said, " No, the steaks are too high".

:yack: