Thursday Joke 2

[Bazza-old]

Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily.

His mother asked, "What's the matter now?"

"Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer," said Johnny through his tears.

"That's not so serious," soothed his mother.

"I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?"

"I did!" sobbed Johnny.

[Fidgits]

[rhaines]

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"

"None.",replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."

Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nevously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."

[Zee007]

PMSL @ Ryan' joke..........

[rhaines]

Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question, and if you get it right you don't have to go to school on Monday.

The fist friday the question was how many gallons of water are there in the whole world. No one knew so they all had to go to school on Monday.

Next Friday the question was how many grains of sand are there in the whole world. No one knew so they had to sgo to school on Monday.

By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he doesn't want to go to school on Monday, so he paints two ping-pong balls black and the next Friday right before the teacher asked the question he rolled the two black ping-pong balls up to her and she said, "Who is the comedian with two black balls?"

Little Johnny said," Bill Cosby. See you on Tuesday."

[rhaines]

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red."

Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered:

"An apple."

"No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."

Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy.

"Is it a peach?"

"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically.

The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally.

"A banana," she says.

"No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."

Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it it's round, hard, and it got a head on it."

"Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!"

"Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like the way your thinking!"

[rhaines]

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love," the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With you," he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber."

[Fidgits]

Marketing explained..............

The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. However, most people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."

Here it is:

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed," That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed," That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say,"Hi, I'm fantastic in bed," That's Telemarketing.

You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say,"May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed," That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says,"I hear you're fantastic in bed," That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep. Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Junk Mail.

[rhaines]

Don't forget the Marketing Dictionary...

Marketing Dictionary

Advanced design: The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

All new: Parts not interchangable with previous design.

Breakthrough: We finally figured out a way to sell it.

Broadcast quality: Gives a picture and produces noise.

Built to precision tolerances: We finally got it to fit together.

Customer service across the country: You can return it from most airports.

Designed simplicity: Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone.

Distinctive: A different shape and color than the others.

Direct sales only: Factory had big argument with distributor.

Field-tested: Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

Foolproof operation: No provision for adjustments.

Futuristic: No other reason why it looks the way it does.

Hand-crafted: Assembly machines operated without gloves on.

High accuracy: Unit on which all parts fit.

High reliability: We made it work long enough to ship it.

Years of development: We finally got one that works.

Improved: Didn't work the first time.

Latest aerospace technology: One of our techs was laid off by Boeing.

Meets all standards: Ours, not yours.

Microprocessor controlled: Does things we can't explain.

MIL-SPEC components: We got a good deal at a government auction.

New: Different color from previous design.

New generation: Old design failed, maybe this one will work.

Performance proven: Will operate through the warranty period.

Re-designed: Previous faults corrected, we hope.

Revolutionary: It's different from our competitors.

SMPTE bus compatible: When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound.

Unmatched: Almost as good as the competition.

Unprecedented performance: Nothing we ever had before worked this way

[Zee007]

Marketing explained..............

Whats that got to do with little Johnny.......?

[Fidgits]

Marketing explained..............

Whats that got to do with little Johnny.......?

He grew up to be a marketing manager....

... to be expected really....

[Zee007]

Marketing explained..............

Whats that got to do with little Johnny.......?

He grew up to be a marketing manager....

... to be expected really....

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh........... i see.............

[Fidgits]

But to keep you happy Zee:

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade

6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started

writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle

from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you

for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had

forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of

the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from

another male student. She quickly turns and asks,

"What's so funny Billy?"

"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the

punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three

weeks."

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she

turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time

there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She

quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."

[Fidgits]

Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to

the little boy while holding out her hand.

"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.

"Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really

expect me to believe that?"

"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Little Johnny. "I had to

force him, but he ate it!

[Zee007]

[rhaines]

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6.

"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'

"What's the fuXXing difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said

_________________________________

One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."

He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.

Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him,

"Well what should we do about this?"

Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

_________________________________

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.

Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.

"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.

"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbors' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "F--K OFF!", the dog ate him!"

[Fidgits]

Teacher: "Why are you late?"

Little Johnny : " because of the sign."

Teacher: " What sign?"

Little Johnny: " The one that says School ahead- go slow. That's just what I did. "

----------------------------------------------------------

Teacher: " Johnny, give me a sentence with 'I'."

Little Johnny: " I is……"

Teacher: " No, Little Johnny, always say 'I am' "

Little Johnny: " I am the ninth letter of the alphabet!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Little Johnny : " Would you punish me for something I didn't do? "

Teacher: " Course not "

Little Johnny: " Well, I didn't do my homework "

[rhaines]

In little Johnny's class at school, there's this kid with no arms or legs called Philip. One day after school, Johnny goes round his house and knocks on the door.

Philip's mother answers the door, and says, "Yes Johnny, what can I do for you?"

"Can Philip come out? - we're all skipping in the park"

Philip's mum says, "But Johnny, you know he's got no arms or legs."

"Yeah, I know," says little Johnny, "I just want to see his stumps bleed."

______________________________________________________________

Little Johnny's father walks into the bathroom and catches him jerking off.

He says, "Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby."

The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again.

Johnny says, "Bow your head, Pop. Can't you see we're having a funeral?"

______________________________________________________________

Little Johnny is excited because the circus has come to town and his mum has got front row tickets for him. Finally the evening comes and Little Johnny and his mum go off to the big top. Little Johnny sits there and enjoys the lions and the tigers and the jugglers and the trapeze artists, and finally out comes little Johnnys favourites, the clowns.

Johnny is loving the clowns and their humorous japes until one of the clowns comes up to him and says 'Little boy are you the front end of an *****?'

'No,' replies little Johnny.

'Are you the rear end of an *****?'

'No,' replies little Johnny again.

'In that case,' says the clown, 'you must be no end of an *****.'

Little Johnny is distraught and he runs out of the circus and all the way home in tears. When his mum catches up with him she says, 'Little Johnny don't worry, your Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee, is coming to stay tomorrow. We will take him to the circus and he will sort that nasty clown out.' At this news little Johnny cheers up and looks forward to the next night.

The next night comes and, sure enough, Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee arrives and the three of them set off for the circus. When they get there Little Johnny, his mum and Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee, sit down and enjoy the lions, the tigers, the jugglers and the trapeze artists, and then out come the clowns.

Again Little Johnny is enjoying their antics and yet again one of the clowns comes up to him and says, 'Little boy are you the front end of an *****?'

Quick as a flash, Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee jumps up and shouts at the very top of his voice:

'F**k off you Red nosed *****!'

______________________________________________________________

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.

"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, f**kin' beautiful!'"

______________________________________________________________

One day Johnny went to his father and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.

Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have an $ 80,000 mortgage on the house and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Xmas"

Xmas came around and Johnny asked again.

The father said, "Well the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time."

Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase.

The father felt sorry for him and asked him why he was leaving. The boy said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 Mortgage!"

______________________________________________________________

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home and think of a story to tell, and then conclude the moral of that story.

The following day when the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand.

"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."

Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies, "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

Teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story.

Billy replies, "Don't f**k with uncle Ted when he's been drinking."

______________________________________________________________

The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay.

It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."

"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"

"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

______________________________________________________________

One day in school, the teacher wanted her kids to go through the alphabet and give a word that started with each letter. She started with 'A'.

Dirty Ernie was waving his arm higher than all the other kids. She didn't want to call on him, because he was a pervert and always said bad things.

She called on Betty instead. Betty stood up and said "Apple".

"Very good, Betty! Next is the letter 'B' ." Again, Ernie was waving his arm as high as he could, but she picked Andy instead.

"Butterfly."

"Excellent, Andy! How about 'C' ." Ernie was almost having a seizure he was waving so hard. The teacher picked Billy, still afraid of what Ernie would say.

"Caterpillar."

"Great job, Billy!"

She continued going through the alphabet, never calling on Ernie. When she got to 'R', Ernie was the only child waving his arm. She thought to herself and couldn't think of anything too bad that started with 'R' so she said, "OK Ernie, give me a word that starts with 'R' ."

Ernie stood up straight, smiled and yelled, "RATS!!!! BIG F**KING RATS WITH C*CKS THIS F**KING LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

______________________________________________________________

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.

Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.

"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.

"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "F**K OFF!", the dog ate him!"

______________________________________________________________

In little Johnny's class at school, there's this kid with no arms or legs called Philip. Johnny knocks at the door of Philip's house and asks if Philip can come out to play soldiers.

"Johnny, you know full well that Philip hasn't got any arms or legs" says his mother.

"Yeah, I know that," says Johnny - "I was going to use him as a sandbag."

[Fidgits]

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered Little Johnny.

May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, Little Johnny whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?" Again Little Johnny whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes", whispered Little Johnny, "A policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered Little Johnny.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper", answered the whispering Little Johnny.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice Little Johnny answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper!"

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?"

Still whispering, Little Johnny replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me!"

[Fidgits]

Little Johnny's parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their son's behavior. His mother had heard that a priest in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if they should send Little Johnny to speak with the priest.

The husband said, "We might as well... we need to do something before I really lose my temper!"

The priest agreed to speak with Little Johnny. The priest sat him down and asked him sternly, "Where is ***?"

Little Johnny made no response, so the priest repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is ***?"

Again, Little Johnny made no attempt to answer, so the priest raised his voice again and shook his finger in the boy's face, "Where is ***?"

A frightened Little Johnny ran out of the room and directly home to his bedroom, where he slammed himself in the closet.

Little Johnny's mother followed him into the closet and asked, "What happened?"

Little Johnny replied, "I'm in BIG trouble this time... *** is missing and they think I did it!"

[Fidgits]

Little Johnny's mother was tucking him into bed one summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

His mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "He's a big sissy!"

[rhaines]

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny wailed, bursting into tears.

Confused, Pop asked Little Johnny what was wrong.

"Oh, Pop," Johnny sobbed, "you told me when I was six that there was no Santa Claus. You told me when I was seven that there was no Easter Bunny. You told me when I was eight that there was no Tooth Fairy. Now you're gonna tell me that grown-ups don't really f**k, and I'll have nothing left to believe in!"

________________

One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny.

Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was.

Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

________________

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Little Johnny (and Billy, Timmy etc.) Jokes - Page 4

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A first grade teacher had a small number of children gathered around a table for a reading group. After the story was read she gave the children a work sheet to do.

After a little while, a student, by the name of Little Johnny, was having some difficulty with the work and was heard to exclaim loudly, "Damn!".

The teacher leaned over and said quietly, "We don't say that in school."

Johnny looked up at the teacher, his eyes got very big and wide and he said, "Not even when it's all ****** up?!"

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your **** cat."

One day the teacher asked the children in class to give examples of what was not good to put in one's mouth.

Little Johnny says "It is not good to put a lit light bulb in one's mouth."

The teacher says "that is correct, but why?"

Little Johnny answers "I don't know, but my mom always tells my dad "turn off the light before you put it in my mouth!"

The teacher's trying to get all of her students to buy a copy of the class picture.

She says, "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you're all grown up. You'll say, There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or, 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"

Dirty Johnny says, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."

Two twins, Donny and Johnny, are asked by their parents what they each would like for their 10th birthday.

"I'd like a new bike" says Donny. "Then I could ride around and see everything that happens in the neighborhood".

"And I'd like a radio for my room" says Johnny. "Then I would hear all the news that goes on in town".

So their parents buy them the gifts. Later on that day, Donny is out on his bike when he comes upon a serious car crash. There are bodies and emergency vehicles all over.

"I gotta go tell Mom" says Donny, so he races back to the house and shouts "Mom! There's been a terrible accident!"

"Yeah, yeah" says his brother, "We heard all about it on my new radio."

Donny is disappointed he could not be first with the news, so he leaves on his bike. A little while later, he comes upon a burning orphanage. "Wow! I gotta go tell Mom."

So he races home again and yells for his Mom, but again Johnny interupts and says "We heard it all on my new radio."

Once again Donny leaves disappointed. He rides and rides until he is out in the country. He sees a big, fat pig all alone in a field, and decides since he appears to be alone, to ****** the pig. He has his first orgasm and is so excited he thinks "I gotta go tell Mom!"

He races home and yells "Mom, Mom! I lost my virginity!"

And his brother says with a sneer "In a pig's ***** you did!" and Donny says "That ****' radio!!!"

Little Johnny's mom asked little Johnny if he had enjoyed the field trip.

"Yes it was great - we saw sheep, horses, goats, and ******ers."

Mom: "er, fine, fine. I know what the sheep and the rest are, but what is a *******?"

Johnny: "Oh, they're the animals that give us milk and steaks."

Mom: "but who said they were called, er, ******ers?"

Johnny: "that was our teacher. Well actually she called them "effers," but we all knew what she meant."

One day, Mom was cleaning Little Johhny's room, and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word.

She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

Little Johnny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Johnny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about s*x and girls."

The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."

Little Johnny went to school one day and was sitting in class when the teacher asked, "Who can use the word contagious in a sentence?"

So little Johnny's arm shot up and he wanted to answer the question really badly but the teacher, unsure of the response, asked little Maggie. Little Maggie quickly stood up and said "My sister has a cold and it's contagious" to which the teacher responded "Good answer!"

Then the teacher asked again "Can anyone use the word contagious in a sentence?" Again little Johnny's arm shot up and again the teacher overlooked Johnny and opted for another student, Mark.

Mark quickly stood up and said "If you have the measles you are contagious"

"Very good!" was the response from the teacher.

So the teacher feeling bad for overlooking little Johnny said "Go ahead little Johnny if you can use the word contagious in a sentence we would all like to hear it."

So little Johnny stood up and said "Well me and my dad were out on the porch one day and my mom was mowing the lawn. After 5 minutes of mowing the lawn my mom came and sat down and had a beer, and my dad said "Go mow the lawn!" So my mom she went and mowed the lawn. After another 5 minutes of mowing the lawn my mom came back and sat down and had another beer, so my dad said "Go mow the lawn!" So my mom she went to mow the lawn again. My dad turned to me and said "Son it's going to take that ***** ages to mow the lawn!"

Little Johnny goes to the drugstore for some condoms.

He goes up to the counter and asks, "Sir, can you tell me where the ribbed condoms are?"

The pharmacist replied, "Son, do you know what condoms are used for?"

"Sure do," replied Johnny. "They keep you from getting VD."

"OK," said the pharmacist. "Do you know what the ribs are for?"

Johnny thought for a minute, then looked up at the pharmacist and replied, "Well, not exactly. But they sure do make the hair on my goat's back stand up."

Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. On the way back to bed, he passed his parents room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing.

He called to his dad, "Hey Dad, what are you doing?" The dad answered, "Playing Cards." Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner? The dad answered, " Your Mom."

Little Johnny then passed by his older sister's room. Again, he noticed the covers bouncing.

He called to his sister, "Hey Sis, what are you doing? The sister answered, 'Playing Cards." Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner? She answered, 'My boyfriend."

A little later, the Dad got up and as he passed Little Johnny's room, he noticed the covers bouncing.

He called to his son, "what are you doing?" Little Johnny answered, "Playing Cards."

The Dad asked, "Really? Whose your partner?"

Little Johnny answered, "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!"

_______________________

Little Jenny comes home from playing at Johnny's house.

"Hey Mom, guess what! Johnny's got a ***** like a peanut!"

Mom is understandably confused for a second, then asks, "What, you mean it's shaped like a peanut?"

"No silly, it's salty!"

[ifraz]

Marketing explained..............

Whats that got to do with little Johnny.......?

He grew up to be a marketing manager....

... to be expected really....

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh........... i see.............

....said the blind man :D

[Fidgits]

Marketing explained..............

Whats that got to do with little Johnny.......?

He grew up to be a marketing manager....

... to be expected really....

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh........... i see.............

....said the blind man :D

"No you don't" said the deaf man

[rhaines]

Marketing explained..............

Whats that got to do with little Johnny.......?

He grew up to be a marketing manager....

... to be expected really....

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh........... i see.............

....said the blind man :D

"No you don't" said the deaf man

You two stop :tsktsk:'ing around said the mute