Confused About Life?

[Steve]

I have a few questions that have been wondering my mind for a while... do any of you ever wonder these

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that

considered a hostage situation?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

So how fast is speed of dark?

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the

Special Olympics?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste

funny?

Why did Kamakazi pilots wear safety helmets?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people

appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as

cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the Battery is dead?

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished?

Shouldn't they be called builts?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you.

Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of

progress?

Why does lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but

washing up liquid contains real lemons?

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Would you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

do i need hep? :duh: :duh: :duh: :duh: :duh:

[ricky_is200]

Yes Steve, you do need help :P

[PI100]

indeed you need urgent help :P :P

[rhaines]

I don't know there are some great essays that could be written about those....

"Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you.

Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. " Was an essay title for a paper when I was working at the International Baccelaureate....

[Fidgits]

[NigeSt]

Two genuine experiences I've had recently:

I bought a pear at the supermarket, it was dubious quality because it hadn't gone all pear shaped

I repaired a toilet flush at home with a cheap part (87p!), so I was very pleased to flush good money down the toilet

Nige