Tuesday's Joke

[LexAzur]

A man wakes up in hospital , bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.

Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up a month ago

on the M8.

You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but......

something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is,

your willy was chopped off in the crash, and we were unable to find it.'

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, 'You've got £9000 in insurance

compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you

a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact!

But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap.. It's £1000 an inch.'

The man perks up at this.

'So,' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you

want'.

But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you

had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she

might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you

decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be

disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you

make the decision.'

The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next

day.

'So,' says the doctor, 'have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have,' says the man.

'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

'She has,' says the man.

'And what is it?' asks the doctor.

'We're getting a new kitchen.'

How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy....

A man only needs to be:

1. a friend

2. a companion

3. a lover

4. a brother

5. a father

6. a master

7. a chief

8. an electrician

9. a carpenter

10. a plumber

11. a mechanic

12. a decorator

13. a stylist

14. a sexologist

15. a gynaecologist

16. a psychologist

17. a pest exterminator

18. a psychiatrist

19. a healer

20. a good listener

21. an organizer

22. a good father

23. very clean

24. sympathetic

25. athletic

26. warm

27. attentive

28. gallant

29. intelligent

30. funny

31. creative

32. tender

33. strong

34. understanding

35. tolerant

36. prudent

37. ambitious

38. capable

39. courageous

40. determined!

41. true

42. dependable

43. passionate

44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly

46. love shopping

47. be honest

48. be very rich

49. not stress her out

50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself

53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

* birthdays

* anniversaries

* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked

2. Bring food and beer

[Asi]

:D