My Mum Has Died

Tony-Bones · October 26, 2008

My mum, Carol Ann Bones died at the no age of 65 thanks to cancer.... In truth i'm all cried out now but this does highlight why i'm so passionate to support cancer research, so that your mum, dad or whoever doesn't go through the same pain as my mum.

This thread> http://www.lexusownersclub.co.uk/forum/ind...t=0&start=0 was opened by Bazza bless him, forcing my wife and myself a day off, as some may know i'm never off.

As this thread expanded i watched in disbelief how fast members paid for us to be at the xmas bash, i'm truly humbled by this.......

The point of this post is that the surplus money donated goes to cancer research and although this won't help mum, it might help another mum or dad or whoever, so please make that pledge.

Here are my words in wim-forum yesterday, it just sums up the reality of this silent killer we call cancer.

...............................................

Thank you for you best wishes...... It's odd why anyone would post such a statement like "my mum's dead" but in the visible world it just helps to shout out loud and have friends shout back with words of comfort...

Despite the warm wings of friendship i have never felt so sad, this truly is the worst day of my life. I didn't have the courage to stay with mum as she died but today i did stay with her in the chapel and talk about our past, her pain and the future, through the tears this really helped me to gain closure.

Cancer really is a dirty word, my mother didn't die, she was murdered by this poxy, indiscriminate time release bullet that slowly dissects it's victim of life, am i angry, yes, can i do anything to help? no, and that's what hurt the most.

The true hero's here are..

St Francis Hospice Berkhamsted Hertfordshire

Mcmillan nurses home support

My wife and children

you

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MacRS200 · October 26, 2008

Really gutted for you mate, I knew your mum was very ill. Knowing that a loved ones days are numbered does not make it any easier when they go.

As you know Cancer Research and McMillan Nurses are charities that are close to my heart too for personal reasons. The McMillan nurses are such special people, the way that they deal, day in day out, and always with great care and compassion.

Thoughts are with you and your family.

Steviewevie · October 26, 2008

My thoughts are with you and your family Tony.

Cancer is something that lots of organisations are working on to research and develop new treatments and cures. I certainly believe that money donated to such causes is very worthwhile, I think we all know people whose lives have been touched by cancer.

widnes_is200 · October 26, 2008

my deepest symphy for you and ure family on your loss,

spikes · October 26, 2008

my thoughts are with you and your family Tony, know how your feeling

Tony-Bones · October 26, 2008

St Francis Hospice Berkhamsted Hertfordshire is 100% supported by charity, it's a stepping stone with a guiding hand..... I'm crying as i type!!!

I don't know what to expect from this thread or even to answer but i do know we need to irradicate cancer so that others don't suffer the same pain.

Prevention is the best way forward..... the hospice and so on deal with the fall out not the cause, i want to prevent the cause.

Maybe i should log off?..... i'm so desperately sad i don't know what to do......

Geoffers · October 26, 2008

Keep talking Tony, as and when YOU feel like it. Blurt everything out. You are among friends here.

Take care mate. I'm so sorry.

B15RUP · October 26, 2008

Tony, you and your family have my deepest symapathies.

Rabster · October 26, 2008

keep talking tony our sympathys are with you and the family, McMillan Nurses do a great job and have my full support just so sorry to hear that you have had to go through this my thoughts are with you all

sparkystav · October 26, 2008

My deepest sympathies to you and all your family Tony, may there be a bright light in the future for someone from our donations.

Tony-Bones · October 26, 2008

Keep talking Tony, as and when YOU feel like it. Blurt everything out. You are among friends here.
Take care mate. I'm so sorry.

"You are among friends here" i know that's why i exposed my inner most feelings at the worst time in my life.

I will stay focused for cancer research but......... I'm so, so sad now Geoffers, for weeks i have told mum all will be ok and the hospice is just a rest for her and us.... and i lied all the way.

I have never lied to my mum until then...... In the chapel of rest i apologized and explained myself, i hope she understood i was just protecting her from the fear of dieing.

Sitting next to and holding the hand of your mother opens areas of your mind you didn't know existed.... through my tears i asked "what" am i really looking for?...... sympathy, well yes i suppose, but i have a proven desire to combat cancer despite current events.

She was only 65.... and murdered by cancer.... It's not fair...... I'm so sorry for her.

Steviewevie · October 26, 2008

Tony, if you feel a strong need to try and help others avoid the pain that you're suffering, then you could perhaps try and divert your current feelings towards thinking of ideas to raise money for research, e.g. some sort of sponsored car-based event to raise money for cancer research ?

I do hope this doesn't sound insensitive, I'm not trying to say you should be feeling any differently from how you do. Just that it might help you in some way to help others for the future ?

kenmac · October 26, 2008

You and your family are in my thoughts Tony as I know how your feeling as my Mum past away in the same way,and I'm telling you it more courage not to stay with your Mum at the end than it would to have stayed,I know as I stayed with my mum til the end and sort of wished I hadn't because at the end it wasn't my mum,and I wish the last time I saw her wasn't that one,so even though it doesn't feel like it now you did make the right decision.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Tony-Bones · October 26, 2008

You and your family are in my thoughts Tony as I know how your feeling as my Mum past away in the same way,and I'm telling you it more courage not to stay with your Mum at the end than it would to have stayed,I know as I stayed with my mum til the end and sort of wished I hadn't because at the end it wasn't my mum,and I wish the last time I saw her wasn't that one,so even though it doesn't feel like it now you did make the right decision.

I couldn't be with her during the dieing moments for that very reason.... the image would stay with me forever and i couldn't cope with that.

My wife and daughter stayed with her and i salute their strength and thank them for that... do i regret not being there.... no!

Oh peeps reading this thread what do you do.... there's no manual on how to react to a family member dieing, your on your own, do you hide or scream or whatever?...... it's just horrible.....horrible.

Geoffers · October 26, 2008

"You are among friends here" i know that's why i exposed my inner most feelings at the worst time in my life.
I will stay focused for cancer research but......... I'm so, so sad now Geoffers, for weeks i have told mum all will be ok and the hospice is just a rest for her and us.... and i lied all the way.

I have never lied to my mum until then...... In the chapel of rest i apologized and explained myself, i hope she understood i was just protecting her from the fear of dieing.

Sitting next to and holding the hand of your mother opens areas of your mind you didn't know existed.... through my tears i asked "what" am i really looking for?...... sympathy, well yes i suppose, but i have a proven desire to combat cancer despite current events.

She was only 65.... and murdered by cancer.... It's not fair...... I'm so sorry for her.

You know at some point in our lives we are all liars. It is the intention behind the lie that matters. You eased your mums fears. You eliviated some of her inner pain. You helped her.

Don't ever feel guilty or regret this Tony. You did the right thing. Regardless of what people say, lying can be for the good. In this case for instance, or to prevent a violent situation happening - there are loads of reasons. Telling the truth can be so destructive in some cases that you have to put your own principles/honour to one side and make the exception.

You have done absolutely nothing wrong.

Yes, you need sympathy. Yes you will feel anger and every emotion you can think of. Don't feel selfish. Don't feel you should be ok - just let it flow. Its ALL OK to feel these things Tony, however crazy these emotions come out as. Shout, scream, whatever you want mate - we are all here.

TommyH · October 26, 2008

Tony, you will be feeling that you will never get rid of the pain and sadness your in at this truely sad time, you will mate, with the help and support of your family and friends, things DO become a bit easier.

I know the old cliche "times a great healer" doesn't sound true at this moment, but they will.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

RIP Mrs Bones

DJ Wozza · October 26, 2008

Shout, scream, cry. Whatever you have to do do to get though. There are no rules when dealing with a personal tragedy.

All your friends are here to support you in this saddest of times Tony. I'm truly very sorry. God bless.

Gord · October 26, 2008

Deepest sympathies to you and all your family

Damer · October 26, 2008

Although we have never met I am really sorry for your loss.

All I can say is it will over time get better. My wife lost her dad to cancer about 15 years ago. She now speaks very openly and fondly of him. Even our kids who never met him talk fondly about their Grandad.