Iraqi Information Minister Quotes

[Steve]

People around the world have taken a unique liking to the public relations stylings of former Iraqi information minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf. Too many people, apparently.

A Web site that sprang up on Thursday called Welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com was quickly forced offline as a rush of global interest drew as many as 4,000 requests a second for the page.

With his trademark beret and sly smile, Sahaf became a cult figure on television with his daily briefings, appearing from behind a sea of microphones as he condemned the American "infidels" and often flatly denied what viewers around the world saw unfolding on their TV screens.

So here a few quotes

Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf:

"The infidels are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of Baghdad... Be assured, Baghdad is safe, protected. Iraqis are heroes."

"As our leader Saddam Hussein said, '*** is grilling their stomachs in hell."

"There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!

"They tried to bring a small number of tanks and personnel carriers in through al-Durah but they were surrounded and most of their infidels had their throats cut."

"We made them drink poison last night"

"Saddam Hussein's soldiers and his great forces gave the Americans a lesson which will not be forgotten by history. Truly."

"*** willing, I will provide you with more information. I swear by ***, I swear by ***, those who are staying in Washington and London have thrown these mercenaries in a crematorium."

"Are these the Americans? People remain silent and placate the Americans. By ***, they only deserve scorn. We slaughtered them yesterday and we will continue to slaughter them."

5 April:

Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf reads a message from Saddam Hussein:

"The criminals will be humiliated... To hurt the enemy more, raise the level of your attacks."

3 April:

Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf on US claims to be near Baghdad:

"They've not been able to control any Iraqi city. We're waging war against this snake and we will be victorious."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He branded the British and U.S. leaders "an international gang of criminal bastards," "blood-sucking bastards," ignorant imperialists, losers and fools.

Are these the Americans? People remain silent and placate the Americans. By ***, they only deserve scorn. We slaughtered them yesterday and we will continue to slaughter them.

I would like to clarify a simple fact here: How can you lay siege to a whole country? Who is really under siege now? Baghdad cannot be besieged. Al-Nasiriyah cannot be besieged. Basra cannot be besieged.

Iraqi fighters in Umm Qasr are giving the hordes of American and Brtish mercenaries the taste of definite death. We have drawn them into a quagmire and they will never get out of it.

It has been rumored that we have fired scud missiles into Kuwait. I am here now to tell you, we do not have any scud missiles and I don't know why they were fired into Kuwait.

As for the mercenaries who advanced to the perimeters of Saddam International Airport, I would like to remind you of something. I will mention something that will make the picture clear for you and help you to understand what took place at Saddam International Airport. Most of you probably saw the American movie "Wag the Dog". I hope you remember it. Some of their acts that took place at dawn yesterday and today are similar to what happened in "Wag the Dog". If we succeed in keeping them isolated on that island, and we are determined to do so, we might let them taste a second mini Dien Bien Phu tonight. The European journalists remember it well. Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly. They are completely surrounded now.

Blair... is accusing us of executing British soldiers. We want to tell him that we have not executed anybody. They are either killed in battle, most of them get killed because they are cowards anyway, the rest they just get captured.

*** will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Iraqis.

*** willing, I will provide you with more information. I swear by ***, I swear by ***, those who are staying in Washington and London have thrown these mercenaries in a crematorium.

I blame Al-Jazeera - they are marketing for the Americans!

I can assure you that those villains [American's and British] will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place.

I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have started to commit suicide under the walls of Baghdad. We will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly.

I told you yesterday that the shock has backfired on them. Indeed, they are shocked because of what they have seen. No one received them with roses. They were received with bombs, shoes and bullets. Now, the game has been exposed. Awe will backfire on them. This is the boa snake. We will extend it further and cut it in the appropriate way.

Just look carefully, I only want you to look carefully. Do not repeat the lies of liars. Do not become like them. Once again, I blame al-Jazeera before it ascertains what takes place. Please, make sure of what you say and do not play such a role.

My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all.

No, I am not scared and neither should you be!

Now even the American command is under siege. We are hitting it from the north, east, south and west. We chase them here and they chase us there. But at the end we are the people who are laying siege to them. And it is not them who are besieging us.

One hundred infidels commited suicide as they entered the holy city of Bagdhad. Their tanks will become their tombs.

Our initial assessment is that they will all die.

Saddam Hussein's soldiers and his great forces gave the Americans a lesson which will not be forgotten by history. Truly.

Search for the truth. I tell you things and I always ask you to verify what I say. I told you yesterday that there was an attack and a retreat at Saddam's airport.

The authority of the civil defence... issued a warning to the civilian population not to pick up any of those pencils because they are booby traps. I am not talking about the American people and the British people. I am talking about those mercenaries. They have started throwing those pencils, but they are not pencils, they are booby traps to kill the children.

The Cruise missiles do not frighten anyone. We are catching them like fish in a river. I mean here that over the past two days, we managed to shoot down 196 missiles before they hit their target.

The fact is that as soon as they reach Baghdad gates, we will besiege them and slaughter them. Until now they have refused to do battle with us. They are just going places. One can describe them as a boa: when it feels threatened, it runs to somewhere else.

The simple fact is this: they are foreigners inside a country which has rejected them. Therefore, these foreigners wherever they go or travel they will be rained down with bullets from everyone. Attacks by members of the resistance will only go up.

The United Nations [is] a place for prostitution under the feet of Americans.

Their forces committed suicide by the hundreds. The battle is veryfierce and *** made us victorious. The fighting continues.

These flops are hitting places which are mainly civilian. Their strikes against Baghdad increase proportionally with their failures on the war front.

Their infidels are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of Baghdad. Be assured, Baghdad is safe, protected.

There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!

There is no presence of American infidels in the city of Baghdad.

These images are not the suburbs of Baghdad. From what I glimpsed, these gardens with rows of palm trees on the side, which you saw in the images, are located in the south of Abu Ghreib, where we have surrounded the Americans and British.

They are sick in their minds. They say they brought 65 tanks into center of city. I say to you this talk is not true. This is part of their sick mind.

They are superpower of villains. They are superpower of Al Capone.

They fled. The American louts fled. Indeed, concerning the fighting waged by the heroes of the Arab Socialist Baath Party yesterday, one amazing thing really is the cowardice of the American soldiers. we had not anticipated this.

This boa, the American columns, are being besieged between Basra and other towns north, west, south and west of Basra. The Americans are the people who are under siege. This is what should be understood here: Faltering forces of infidels cannot just enter a country of 26 million people and lay besiege to them!

Today, the tide has turned, we are destroying them.

They [the Americans] are going to surrender or be burned in their tanks. They will surrender, it is they who will surrender.

They're not even [within] 100 miles [of Baghdad]. They are not in any place. They hold no place in Iraq. This is an illusion... they are trying to sell to the others an illusion.

Today we slaughtered them in the airport. They are out of Saddam International Airport. The force that was in the airport, this force was destroyed.

Tonight, we will do something unconventional against them. This means: not by the military. We will do something that I believe will become a pretty example for those mercenaries. I would not be giving out a secret when I say that action in the dark against such mercenaries is effective, not through the action of armies.

W. Bush, this man is a war criminal, and we will see that he is brought to trial.

Washington has thrown their soldiers on the fire.

We are in control, they are in a state of hysteria. Losers, they think that by killing civilians and trying to distort the feelings of the people they will win. I think they will not win, those bastards.

We blocked them inside the city. Their rear is blocked.

We butchered the force present at the airport, we are destroying them.

We defeated them yesterday. *** willing, I will provide you with more information. I swear by ***, I swear by ***, those who are staying in Washington and London have thrown these

We have crushed the whole force which dared to venture there [the airport]. Now they're outside the wall and the heroic Republican Guard is now in control of the whole area. So where are those villainous louts, those mercenaries?

We made them drink poison last night and Saddam Hussein's soldiers and his great forces gave the Americans a lesson which will not be forgotten by history. Truly.

We will push those crooks, those mercenaries back into the swamp.

We will welcome them with bullets and shoes.

We're giving them a real lesson today. Heavy doesn't accurately describe the level of casualties we have inflicted.

What they say about a breakthrough [in Najaf] is completely an illusion. They are sending their warplanes to fly very low in order to have vibrations on these sacred places... they are trying to crack the buildings by flying low over them.

When we were making the law, when we were writing the literature and the mathematics the grandfarthers of Blair and little Bush were scratching around in caves.

Yesterday, we slaughtered them and we will continue to slaughter them.

You can go and visit those places. Nothing there, nothing at all. There are Iraqi checkpoints. Everything is okay.

[Monster-Mat]

Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, should be the next host on

"HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU"

he would do a brilliant job

[Steve]

It was the highlight of the day when he appeared! Guy had me in stitches!

[bigsul]

Apparently he is going to take over the complaints dept at Lexus UK.

"There is absolutely no problem with the paint finish on the IS series of cars. The alloys are fine too, you infidels !"

Cheers ......... bs

[Monster-Mat]

:D

[Steve]

Complaint: My Engine fails to start

IIM: You fool.. it starts everytime.. I tell you every time!

Complaint: but the Battery is dead

IIM: The Battery is alive and kicking... it is so much alive the heated seats will roast your stomach!

[Steve]

hmm might start a competition up to see who can give the best quote that is as stupid as the quotes given by the IIM!

Lets go for it

[GRiM]

Yes of course Mat's Monster Car will be ready for JAE.

The engine is running, the suspension bushes are alight, and the Brake Horse Power is outputting!!

[Steve]

LOL @ GRiM

[Matthew_McNally]

:D

[bigsul]

:D :D :D Matt.

bs

[Steve]

hmmm the geezer hanged himself!

[Claire G]

Really??? Blimey.

[djanderso]

Apparently he was also quoted as saying "Scotland will win the world cup".

[GRiM]

Apparently he was also quoted as saying "Scotland will win the world cup".

Is that the World Cup in Hockey, or Curling....

[bigsul]

Apparently his last words were :

" I am not hanging myself, and even if I were, I cannot die. May Allah preserve me and roast out the eye's of all infidels, and another thing .. (snap ! crack!) .... Urgh !"

Shame, I thought he had a good future in TV.

bs

[djanderso]

Apparently he was also quoted as saying "Scotland will win the world cup".

Is that the World Cup in Hockey, or Curling....

I think it must have been tiddly-winks! It for sure wasn't football! :D

[GRiM]

Damn true....

[Steve ( West Mids )]

The only time I wanted to see him on my telly and Sky News were not there :(

[djanderso]

An Idea!

Why don't we have a Emoticon depicting the Iraqi Info Minister for when somebody say's something stupid? :D

[MsW]

I do hope this isn't considered in poor taste, but it's one of the few jokes to have made me laugh out loud recently - and you've probably heard it anyway:

How many Iraqui's does it take to change a lightbulb?

What light bulb

We have no light bulbs

And if we ever had light bulbs they were all destroyed ages ago

[Steve]

i tried and tried

:iraqi-info-minister:

[randyreindeer]

I believe the BBC have signed him up to host the new series of, "Have I got news for you" :P :P :P

[GRiM]

I believe the BBC have signed him up to host the new series of, "Have I got news for you" :P  :P  :P

But if he did, wouldn't it be called

"I haven't got news for you!"

[djanderso]

i tried and tried

:iraqi-info-minister:

Excellent!!!

:iraqi-info-minister: