Life Choices

[Loz]

has anyone ever felt like they could only do one thing well at a time?

like have a girlfriend OR have a job?

beginning to think I am a bit a freak about this....

Loz

Ps. if you have seen the film, "about a boy" then you may understand a bit better... :duh:

[dazzab69]

Even worse than watching "About a Boy" is reading any of the books by Nick Hornby or Tony Parsons. They are all bloody midlife crisis stuff that if you are in a relationship will start you worrying and if you are not they'll just get you depressed :( .

Ben Elton went the same way as well, Inconcieveable made me realise how bonkers women get about babies (sorry to our female readers if you disagree, but take it from me my wife was getting FRAUGHT ! ) and scared me into starting a family earlier than I'd planned.

Take it from me don't read these books they are female propaganda, they are colonising us in the way a character in Fever Pitch claimed we colonise them !!!

[Claire G]

From my perspective on the baby front, definitely in agreement. Never thought I'd be a baby bore, now I'm the world's worst!

Never been very good at balancing work and other-half but a baby stops you being such a workaholic. Wouldn't recommend it for everyone though

[dazzab69]

Work is overated anyway.

My wife told her boss yesterday that she wants going down to three days per week after Easter this year. Surprisingly he took it very well (Local Authority).

I must admit being a father has changed my perspective, whereas a crying baby would have pi$$ed me off on the train, I now wonder what's up with the little one. Also my reactions are fantastic now, I can catch a diving toddler from six feet in microseconds !!!

[javadude]

With wife and children, job and being a church elder I know what you mean. I do too much in one area and not enough in the others and then swap round to something else. I still don't get the right balance, and sometimes circumstances dictate that you put all your attention in one place anyway, but I think I'm improving with experience - it's been taking a few years though.

It's a bit like being thrown a load of juggling balls and having to teach yourself.

I think part of the trick is to make sure you get your own time to rest (a "sabbath", even if it's not a Sunday). I'm certainly looking forward to Christmas - I really need a break.

[Matthew_McNally]

as the wise man said - you can't please all the people all the time.

we all need to find the balance between our professional and personal lives.

A job paying you all the money in the world is no much good without your loved ones around you to share the goodies with.

On the other hand, your loved ones will not have much of a ride with you, if you don't have a job and can't make your contribution to keeping them in a decent manner.

that balance is not always perfect - sometimes you lean towards one side more than the other, often for some time.

The important thing is to make sure you balance it out in the end.

so if you need to spend a bunch of time at the office, working weekends etc - balance it out with some quality time, weekends away etc once your workload eases off.

its not easy, and you certainly can't learn it from a book

[Loz]

cheers all for chipping in. just been out with the guys that own my company and said I didn't feel like my face fit for the last few weeks. they just gave me a serious job upgrade effective immediately.

next time I need a pay rise I must remember to look sullen for half a day and challenge authority negatively.....

Oh dear, I fear this is how people get promoted beyond their own competence...

[Matthew_McNally]

Oh dear, I fear this is how people get promoted beyond their own competence

aka The Dillbert Principle

[Loz]

Aye aye!!

Now I have to say the best things in life are free, but you can give them to the birds and the bees I want Money! thats what I want!.....

oh and a bit of closeness but I think I will have to revert to plan a:

Make a heap of cash that will sustain the other parts of your life with no mantenance required.

Now do you understand the "do one thing good at a time" comment.

Make money in my thirties and spend it in my fortys then dabble at a high level in my fifties when I'm done spending so I can have a comfortable retirement from then on!

guess that meant celebate thirties when I would enjoy it the most....

Gosh I can be quite dim and short sighted for a tallented and good looking stud-muffin!

Loz Guess who's back!!!

[tdiplc]

has anyone ever felt like they could only do one thing well at a time?

It's a Bloke thing - it's a well know fact that men can only concentrate on one thing at a time, whereas women can multi task.

It's all genetically programmed.

The best multi tasking I can do is watch TV and drink beer - I'm useless beyond that :)

Stupidly I read Man & Boy when my youngest boy was 3, just after my Dad died You'll know what I mean if you've read it.

[Loz]

just had more "talking" with her indoors....

needed to chill so came down to talk to you all whilst she lays sleeping...

In truth I really enjoyed about a boy but I am sooooo like Will is some respects. I work really hard thought to create the life he had handed on a plate. I have not always though...

ANyway I guess I am trying to say thanks for being my reality check. If I could do anything for the forum to say thanks then I hope someone would say.

And NO I will not buy you a Mercilago, Playa! before you even ask!

Seriously though, Cheers folks. Helped out in a mini 1/3 life crisis. Do you think its cos I'm gonna be thirty soon? getting all messed up about life, the universe and everything?

One a final note, goodnight John-Boy!

LOz

[dazzab69]

Seriously though, Cheers folks. Helped out in a mini 1/3 life crisis. Do you think its cos I'm gonna be thirty soon? getting all messed up about life, the universe and everything?

Ahh, now we cut to the chase, the big 3-ohh.

Men begin to wonder why they haven't made their fortune yet and realise that they will never play for England/be an F1 Driver/Astronaut/ become Prime Minister etc .

Women wonder why they aren't married yet, haven't had kids, aren't getting anywhere with their careers, become World Tennis Champion etc .

I managed to get to my 30 crisis a year early (actually alot of people have a 29 thing (see song by Lloyd Cole)) in 1998. I actually used it as a driver to change careers and life direction. Through a lot of luck and some good decisions at the right moments, I now make three times as much money, live in a much bigger house, drive a Lexus B) , and have become a father. The only piece of advice I can give is that it is all luck, (or maybe fate if my dear departed Grandma-in-law is to be believed) and that you can only do your best and hope the gods are smiling on you.

Remember life is what happens all around you while you are making plans.

[Loz]

Dazza how old are you now and will you share a bit more about your "journey"??

I had a big turn around in 2000 and never looked back. had massive career change and subsequent success, went from driving a 280SL Sports that I could NOT afford to driving a Lexus GS300 and Rangy that I can afford. Live life at a fair old pace instead of dawdling and taking the ***** and the biggest difference is I make things happen rather than watch them happen.

Dazza, tell me it aint so about the big 3 "o-oh"... I have till 12th Feb to prepare. Fortunatly I had forsight ten years ago and took out a MIP that matures 10 days beforehand. That should cover the therapy bills then!

Loz

[Steve]

the big "3 oh" was hard for me! I still wonder when i will get my fortune... will i ever get married (hmmm who cares)

I think of the last 10 years and how fast those 10 years went... so i then start thing of the big 4 ohhhh (my back!)

start thinking what a pratt I must have been to be in this state!

[Rodders_UK]

Wait until you hit the four-oh!!! and then the sodding four-one!!!!1!!

Lucky for me I'm still 18 inside my head

[dazzab69]

Loz

The 3-ohh wasn't so bad in the end, mainly due to the 29 crisis. I was 29 in 1998. I had just finished a part-time PhD in Engineering Management which had taken 4 years and a lot of tears and effort. Sadly it didn't really get me anywhere. I was a Civil Engineer from graduation in 1993 to 1999, although it became a bit part-time from 1997 because I had taken on the role of IT administrator for my company. By November 1998 (my birthday) I was starting to panic a bit after it had become obvious that, despite a bit of interest from some of the Management Consultancies, the PhD hadn't helped. Then one night at an Institution of Civil Engineers meeting where they were setting out the new plans for getting Chartered, I realised that I'd never get Chartered and that Civil Engineering wasn't for me (Only ten years too late !).

The other thing I realised was that I was good at IT and that I enjoyed it. So I began doing the study work for the Microsoft MCSE, reading up in my own time and practising what I learnt at work. I secretly completed the MCSE by August 1999 and jumped ship from the Civil Engineers to an IT Consultancy. Not too long afterwards, and opportunity presented itself to move to one of the Big 5's Secure eBusiness teams. Then this year I moved from the Big5 Co to a firm of Brokers in the City to be Information Security Manager. Between 1999 and 2002 I have studied for 17 IT Certifications and basically worked my balls off to be Mr-Know-IT-all, culminating in passing the CISSP Certification (the most prestigious IT Security Cert). As I said during that time my salary increased massively by making the right (lucky ?) moves. I wouldn't like to try and repeat the feat, especially in the current climate in IT and the City. We also got very lucky on the house, we had a mental new neighbor move in next door at our old house, who basically forced us to move. I could actually kiss her now though because we moved up just before prices went off the scale and as a result have made alot of paper money (equity).

I find myself in a wierd position now, having rapidly achieved everything I wanted to do for the last ten years. New aims ? I'd like to build my own house, learn to sail and buy a boat, and get a novel published.

So what's the conclusion. I guess the answer if that sometimes you have to concentrate on one thing for a while to succeed, but there was an awful amount of luck involved in my story and in reality some of the things I'd done before 1999 paid off (i.e. the PhD was of use for blagging my way in to the Big5 Co.). I think the word balance has been used, but most importantly I'd say do what makes you happy, you only get one shot at all this (as far as we know), so make sure you enjoy it and don't get to the age of 80 thinking "what if".

Good thing I'm a Doctor of Philosophy ehh ?, providing all that homespun wisdom. ;)

[DaveEllen]

I agree with what a previous poster said about it being luck !

I was doing OK at a small council incharge of 17 peeps on a good salary etc.........taken to hospital with chest pains........work wouldnt let me back for 3 months coz they thought I'd sue for stress related stuff (I wouldnt) then when I got back found they'd reorganised etc........was very subtle but I could see the writing on the wall.........so looked elsewhere got interview and offered job in London with 9K salary increase........before I accepted the offer the chief excec called me up to say he was making me redundant and offered me £19K........I took the payoff took the new job...........moved up to London and have never been happier (traffic jams apart)

So I earn now 12K PA more than I would ever have done, have a new house, Lexus my wife earns shed loads of dosh as well........and I've forgotten what stress means !!!!!!!!

Merry X-mas :hohoho:

[Claire G]

I think by and large you help make your luck and it's down to your attitude and approach to people.

That said, I'm trying to work on my own luck at the moment as I'd like to get my dream job, earn more and keep my family in the manner to which they'd like to become accustomed

[UltraViolet]

Women wonder why they aren't married yet, haven't had kids, aren't getting anywhere with their careers, become World Tennis Champion etc .

Errr - not all women!!!

I like being independent. I have a boyfriend, we have a very loving relationship, I don't need a ring!!!

My career is doing very well.

And Tennis is all balls and nets...... and nets should only be used for stockings.

As for luck - you can drop on some good breaks - but you still have to work and make the best of the breaks. Attitude and approach as Claire says - but above all, be nice to people... being remembered as a good, honest and nice person is much better than being remembered as just a successful one.

[Loz]

Ultra-V,

How you are remembered is a VERY good point. I think you all come up with some very helpful input. just imgine what I have saved in Therapy. You all chip in and its like having friends that you can talk to.

I must try that sometime...

Anyway, My thoughts now are that its just a bit of seasonal stock taking, and thinking why am I not having a black tie cocktail party in my 700square foot loft conversion in the dockland with my many varied, travelled, cultured and successful friends?

The answers is because instead I am at the working really hard at something stage and need to keep up the pace and not be distracted.

One thing I was thinking about in Your case DazzaB is that all that time you spent working at your PHD paid off in the end. I have had this happen to me too. I worked like a bar-steward at a network marketing business once for about two years. it was a plan to make an extra £40k by 2-5 years.

I spent more than I earned from day one but went at it like it was pure gold. then two years down the line I changed my full time job and in two years flat was earning more than the extra £40k but in a full time (lifestyle sometimes) Job.

I had packed in the networking deal within a month of "real" work 'cos I had not got the time anymore to put into it. I still see some of those networkers and I'm not a nasty person but they treated me like family when I was working with them and not a word since I left unless I contact them.

I get a Warm tingly glow when I drive past Rick's blue Cavalier GLS in my Blue Lexus GS. They are not among lifes winners I'm afraid to say. but this brings me to my closing point.

The harder you work, the luckier you get. The more you give the more you'll be rewarded.

I did find my faith in the Manufacturer's Handbook and try to keep him in mind when I'm living all this Bling. All things come from him so how you serve him will determin how you live to a large extent.

Just my oppinion.

Loz

[GCHQAgent]

I agree.... I keep getting dumped by girls for spending more time working than with them... women can be so selfish!

Then again... I'm working away upto 120hours some weeks and around 60 hours per week on average.

I don't care though, go clubbing every week and there are always plenty of fish in the sea, won't cut down on work for anyone.

[Loz]

Hi Agent Provocateur!!

I used to play the club scene with an eye out for nice ladies. then I woke up to the idea that I was not going to meet the woman of my future in a club environment. Not unless I was looking for the woman of the next 6-12-48 hours of my future, anyway.

So I gave up the game.

Now sitting hear I am seriously contemplating going out to a club for glass of tonic and watch the girls go by. the reason I am still typing is cos my heart aint in it.

Back to my original post. I am not sure what I have become. but what ever it is, I think it needs more friends, more s*x, more money and more organisational skills.

Loz

[Brian Berry]

I must admit that I did everything out of sequence. I became very academic when aged 30 and whilst a number of police were attending their masonic meetings I studied with the Open University and got a degree. Luckily I was able to move into town planning and did my Post Graduate Diploma in 1990 . I had a student rail card at 50 years of age which always got a laugh. After 15.5 years in planning I retired on a second pension aged 61. I have now gone back to planning on a six month contract for 2 days a week. My advice to young people is to get their degree early on in their career then build on it. Fortunately for me the OU gave me a chance for a second career and I took it. This also gave me enough money to buy my Lexus!

[GCHQAgent]

Hey Loz,

In my case a few hours is fine by me, in fact I'd prefer it in some ways... but you are right, to find a decent girl in a club is almost impossible.

If you're lookin for something a little more real, more meaningful I can suggest you think about:-

a) Joining the gym (you don't have to excercise, just sit in the bar and talk to the nice ladies as they relax after their workout)

B) Join some cool club (LOC counts as cool but doesn't apply here - you have to join a club with more single women around ;))

c) If you're in London the tube is actually a pretty neat way... if you take this option make sure you do it right 'cos ppl in London are quick to think ur weird.

d) A lively bar... this is where I believe lots of decent women hang out when they're looking for a good time.

A reminder to all: I don't know what the c**p I'm talking about.