Things People Say.........

Noel · February 9, 2006

The things they say!

"If you'd offered me a 69 at the start this morning I'd have been all over you." Sam Torrance (Golfer),

BBC2 The band never actually split up-we just stopped speaking to each other and went our own separate ways." Boy George,

Fashion Commentator, Radio 4 "Street hockey is great for kids. It's energetic, competitive, and skilful. And best of all it keeps them off the street."

Radio 1 Newsbeat "Do you believe David Trimble will stick to his guns on decommissioning?" Interviewer, UTV

"It was the fastest-ever swim over that distance on American soil." Greg Phillips, Portsmouth News

"...fears that the balloon may be forced to ditch in the Pacific. Mr. Branson, however, remains buoyant and hopes to reach America..." Radio 4 News.

Well, you could count them on the fingers of less than on hand..."jack Elder, New Zealand Police Minister

"And Nakano tries to avoid being passed by his team mate Trulli, which should in fact be quite easy, because Trulli is going more slowly than his team mate Nakano," Murray Walker, ITV "A fascinating duel between 3 men...

"David Coleman, Hammer Throw, World Athletics, BBC "I'm glad two sides of the cherry have been put forward" Geoff Boycott, Radio 5 Live

"It has been the German Army's largest peacetime operation since World War 2"

ITN "There are the boys, their balls between their legs" Amanda Redington,

GMTV "Israeli troops have this morning entered the Arab township of Hebron in search of the perpetrators of the recent suicide bomb attacks in Jerusalem, whom they believe are in hiding there"

CNN News "Do Britain's drug laws need a shot in the arm?"

Radio 4 "Ian Mackie is here to prove his back injury is behind him"

Commentator at Spar Athletics "Azinger is wearing an all black outfit: black jumper, blue trousers, white shoes and a pink 'tea-cosy' hat" Renton Laidlaw

"The advantage of the rain is, that if you have a quick bike, there's no advantage" Barry Sheene

"Her legs are kept tightly together: she's giving nothing away" gymnastics commentator, BBC1

"Moreano thought that the full back was gonna come up behind and give him one really hard" Ron Atkinson

"Adams is stretching himself, looking for Seaman" Brian Moore

"I wouldn't be surprised if this game went all the way to the finish" Ian St John

"Apart from their goals, Norway haven't scored" Terry Venables

"The Croatians don't play well without the ball" Barry Venison

"Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders" Kevin Keegan

"Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose" Kevin Keegan

"I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's completely different" Kevin Keegan

"Zidane is not very happy, because he's suffering from the wind" Ron Atkinson

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it : you can see it all over their faces" Ron Atkinson

"They've picked their heads up off the ground and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders" Ron Atkinson

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw" Ron Atkinson

"The swimmers are swimming out of their socks. "Sharron Davies, BBC

"In cycling, you can put all your money on one horse." Stephen Roche, Eurosport

"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock." Barry Venison, ITV

"In life he was a living legend; in death, nothing has changed." Live TV

"Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match." Ian Wright, ITV

"It's amazing how, in this part of the world, history has been part of its past." David Duffield, Eurosport

"And that was played by the Lindsay String Quartet... or at least two thirds of them." Sean Rafferty, Radio 3

"Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball" Ian St John

"They (Leeds) used to be a bit like Arsenal, winning by one goal to nil or even less." Nasser Hussain, Channel 5

"So, this movie you star in, The Life Story of George Best, tell us what it's about." George Gavin, Sky Sport

"And here's Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago" (David Coleman)

"Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs" (David Coleman)

"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite" Murray Walker

"After playing Cameroon in the 1990 world cup finals: We didn't under estimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought" Bobby Robson

And with an alphabetical irony, Nigeria follows New Zealand" David Coleman

On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy: "It was like being in a foreign country" Ian Rush.

Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry. What chance do you think Germany has of getting through? Terry Venables: "I think it's 50-50." "We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalised"

Ian McNail "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat" Ron Atkinson

"I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost" Frank Bruno

"There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes." David Coleman

"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people" David Coleman

"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind which is identical" Murray Walker

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel" Stuart Pearce

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father" Greg Norman

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious" Alan Minter

"Watch the time -it gives you an indication of how fast they are running" Ron Pickering

"Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers" Murray Walker

"Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales" Ron Greenwood

"A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin" Jo Sheldon

"The French are not normally a Nordic Skiing Nation" Ron Pickering

"That's inches away from being millimetre perfect" Ted Lowe

"Bobby Gould thinks I'm trying to stab him in the back. In fact I'm right behind him" Stuart Pearson

"I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right" Marlon Starling

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again" Terry Venables

"I can't tell who's leading - It's either Oxford or Cambridge" John Snagge - Boat Race

"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests - is absolutely round" Tony Cozier

Actual letters sent to various councils in the UK.

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

Their 3 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother.

I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now it is in three pieces.

Would you please send a man to repair my sprout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his c**k wakes me up and it's getting too much.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise that is made by the man I have on top of me every night.

Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife.

I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction.

We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

now get back to work too.......