Bmw

[Niraj]

not one of my best but posting just to keep things flowing... :)

A lady walks into a BMW dealership and browses around. Suddenly she spots the most perfect, beautiful car and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escapes her.

Very embarrassed, she anxiously looks around to see if anyone has noticed and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greets her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today? "

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though Nothing had happened, she smiles back and asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle? "

Still smiling pleasantly, he replies, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are going to sh*t yourself when you hear the price."

[Kazi]

:) Valiant effort. I like it! Need more folks!! Specialy on a Friday!

[Adie]

Nice one mate

[MacRS200]

Good one Niraj :D :D

[lexus boy]

thats not bad from you

:D

[T7RY B]

Pretty legthy but this made me laugh:

New landlord takes over a local pub.

He decides to give it a full refurb.

One of the locals pops in and say’s to him,” Your’e not going to start messing about with the beer and the traditions of the pub are you?”

“No ,No, No. I am just going to smarten it up” Says the landlord.

“That’s okay then. We don’t like change around here. I will see you on Friday when you open”

Friday comes and the grand opening is at 7 P.M. At 11 A.M. the same local sticks his head in to have a sneak preview. He says to the landlord,” it’s looking okay but where is the snuff?”

“Snuff? Asks the landlord”

“Yes, snuff, it has been on the bar in this pub for 40 years”

Thinking quickly he says to the local, ”Don’t you worry, the snuff will be on the bar for opening time.”

He starts to panic and is on the phone trying to get some snuff but to no avail. He can’t get any in time for the opening.

He has an idea and goes out into the back yard of the pub.

He has 2 rottweillers and scoops up some of their crap. He crushes it up and puts it in a fancy box and places it on the bar.

7 P.M. comes around and the first customer in the pub is the moaning local.

He has a look around and says it’s okay. And orders a pint of bitter.

He takes a mouthful of beer and says “It’s alright”

He spots the snuffbox on the bar and takes a pinch.

He turns to the landlord and says, “ I can smell dog sh*t in here”

The landlord replies “ No dog sh*t in here its just been cleaned top to bottom, Check your shoes”

He checks his shoes but sees nothing.

Just then his mate walks in and orders a pint.

The moaner says to him “Can you smell dog sh*t in here Fred?”

“ No, says Fred”

Fred takes a slurp of his pint and then spots the snuffbox on the bar. He takes a pinch of snuff.

He turns to his mate and says “ By eck that’s good snuff. I can smell that dog sh*t now”

[Niraj]

Pretty legthy but this made me laugh:

New landlord takes over a local pub.

He decides to give it a full refurb.

One of the locals pops in and say’s to him,” Your’e not going to start messing about with the beer and the traditions of the pub are you?”

“No ,No, No. I am just going to smarten it up” Says the landlord.

“That’s okay then. We don’t like change around here. I will see you on Friday when you open”

Friday comes and the grand opening is at 7 P.M. At 11 A.M. the same local sticks his head in to have a sneak preview. He says to the landlord,” it’s looking okay but where is the snuff?”

“Snuff? Asks the landlord”

“Yes, snuff, it has been on the bar in this pub for 40 years”

Thinking quickly he says to the local, ”Don’t you worry, the snuff will be on the bar for opening time.”

He starts to panic and is on the phone trying to get some snuff but to no avail. He can’t get any in time for the opening.

He has an idea and goes out into the back yard of the pub.

He has 2 rottweillers and scoops up some of their crap. He crushes it up and puts it in a fancy box and places it on the bar.

7 P.M. comes around and the first customer in the pub is the moaning local.

He has a look around and says it’s okay. And orders a pint of bitter.

He takes a mouthful of beer and says “It’s alright”

He spots the snuffbox on the bar and takes a pinch.

He turns to the landlord and says, “ I can smell dog sh*t in here”

The landlord replies “ No dog sh*t in here its just been cleaned top to bottom, Check your shoes”

He checks his shoes but sees nothing.

Just  then his mate walks in and orders a pint.

The moaner says to him “Can you smell dog sh*t in here Fred?”

“ No, says Fred”

Fred takes a slurp of his pint and then spots the snuffbox on the bar. He takes a pinch of snuff.

He turns to his mate and says “ By eck that’s good snuff. I can smell that dog sh*t now”

←

:D lol