Earthquake In Yorkshire!

[lexus boy]

Earthquake in Yorkshire!

"A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit the UK in the early hours of yesterday morning. The epicentre of the quake was in

Barnsley, South Yorkshire.

News of the disaster was swiftly carried by the release of 85,000 racing pigeons. The quake decimated the area causing almost £30.00 worth of damage

and 3 areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics, Spanish Costa's and Skegness were also damaged beyond repair.

Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived and victims were seen aimlessly wandering around muttering "FOOKINELL" and "CHOOFINNORAH".

Darton FM (the voice of Barnsley) reported that hundreds of residents were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had

happened to Barnsley. Despite this, people have tried to carry on as usual and normal levels of muggings, looting and car crime were quickly

re-established.

One resident, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite, a 15 year old mother of 3 said "It waar reight freetnin, me owdest, Chardonnay-Madonna cum runnin intet

bedroom roowerin. Yungest two, Tyler-Morgan and Brittney-Megan slept froo it all. I waar still shakin when I waar watchin Trisha ont Sky + next mornin.

Rescue work has already started and the British Red Cross have so far managed to drop 8,000 crates of sunny delight to the area to help the

stricken locals. Rescue workers have begun sifting through the debris and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit

books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke and bone china from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP

Clothing is the most sought after, items most needed include:-

Fila or Burberry baseball caps

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks

Rockford boots and any other items usually sold in Primark

Foodstuffs should be packed in a Netto carrier bag and include:-

Microwave meals

Oven chips

Pot noodles

Cans of John Smiths bitter

Tinned Whippet food

Alphabet spaghetti should not be sent, as literacy lessons are not appropriate at this time."

Regards,

Barnsley Metropolitan Borough Council

[Ryo]

very funny :)

Steve

[Nick The Greek]

old,but good!

still makes me chuckle!

[Scorpion]

Very good. :D

[Anees]

Hilarious!

[GlynnB]

Glad to know that's what you all think of me.

[lexus boy]

sorry :(

[GlynnB]

Well I could do with quite a few extras for the RX that I can't afford so I'm taking this to Brussels. Sounds like locationism to me.

[lexus boy]

lol

[Ryo]

Best make sure you get some one that can spell and write properly :)

Steve